he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dear god my vagina.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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