Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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