My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
