hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
