She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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