Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
