I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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