by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
