Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
