I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
