I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
