Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
