I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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