I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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