Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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