if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
