just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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