I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
