Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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