And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
