My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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