hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
