We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
