Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
