I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
