After last night, I could never be a politician.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
