based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
