And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
