Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
