the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
