I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found the puke drawer
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
