I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
