That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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