So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
