i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
