It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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