Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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