you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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