I just saw a hot homeless man
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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