Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The power of my boobs compel you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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