ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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