Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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