I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
