The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
