I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
