Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
