you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize