and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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