i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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