We got so high we made milksteak
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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