I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize