Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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