pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize