You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude. I can hear the air.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
