Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
