Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
