the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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