if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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