Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
