butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
