I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
