apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize