Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
