Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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